Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
