last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
