you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
