Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
