he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
