just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
