She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
