its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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