But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
