I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
