yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
