I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize