and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
