just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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