I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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