have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
