Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
