I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
