I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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