Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
