Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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