I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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