dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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