When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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