Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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