I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
