Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
