'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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