Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
