Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
