my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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