Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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