Apparently you make a good broom.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
