she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
