Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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