I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we're so committed to being not committed
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