READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
