I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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