I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize