can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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