I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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