It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
