My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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