Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
