Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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