You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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