maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
