dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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