watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
