How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lost the right to judge tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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