So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
