Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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