just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
