They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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