He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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