I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
