I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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