I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
