Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it because I queefed?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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