He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
