And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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