We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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