Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
