so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
