drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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