imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think people are normalizing furries
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
