My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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