i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
