I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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