His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
