just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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