i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
