Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
