the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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